I do hereby
solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
I stub my cigarette and flick it into the distance. Watching it make its way, twisting and turning in the air, my gaze fixes on grown woman. She looks like the mother of one of the kids playing down below. She is watching me. Not looking. Watching. Does she have a look of disgust on her face? I'll never know. It's too dark to make out facial expressions. I find myself hoping she doesn't think me a pedophile. I want to explain to her that I harbor no evil thoughts. A man like me cannot and does not bring about havoc in other people's life. Only in his own.
I shake my head. Who cares what she thinks. Nothing I can do about it!
I head back inside my study and shut the glass paneled door behind me. For good measure, I draw the curtains. I shut myself from the gaze of kids and their mothers. I can't stand to be judged by them.
It's late evening now. I click open the bookmyshow app on my phone to check what new movies are playing today. Hobbit seems promising. The first part was good, I think. But too formulaic after the amazing LOTR movies. Peter Jackson should find something more challenging to do. A director of his talent is wasted in the profit seeking production house economics.
Speaking of wasted talent... "Shut up!", I tell the voice in my head.
Should I go for the movie? I think pushing aside the pre-poned mid life crisis. Or is it an identity crisis? May be it's existential?
The movie. Yes. Should I go alone? It hasn't been bad experience by any means when I have tried that before. Many times before. Anyway I don't like talking to people during the movie. It's really random how people collectively experience movies. I will never understand the benefits of physical proximity in a what is otherwise a very individual experience by design.
It's too much of an effort to call up or email people to coordinate a movie viewing. But it is also very bullshitting to be judged by groups of friends, lovers in arms and families at the theater.
Indecisiveness. More than once I have been told by the few who care that I over-think and over analyze everything. Over-thinking leads to indecisiveness. Over analysis leads to paralysis.
People say the strangest things. Maybe it's they who need to think more before they go about the business of preaching.
Movieee? I hear the thought return with a renewed vehemence. Woah, I say out loud. Calm down brother. I am here. I have to allow myself a little bit of meandering with my thoughts. What's to kill time if not that?
I log back into my laptop. Action, in any direction, helps calm down the thoughts. It's quite disturbing how the mind gets so easily fooled. All it needs is a preoccupation. Let it idle for some time and it starts going nuts. Or bonkers. I like that word better.
The gmail window is open on the browser. I start a hangout and add my friends on it. My fingers sway like a drunkard over the keyboard. To type or not to type?
Mischief managed.
I stub my cigarette and flick it into the distance. Watching it make its way, twisting and turning in the air, my gaze fixes on grown woman. She looks like the mother of one of the kids playing down below. She is watching me. Not looking. Watching. Does she have a look of disgust on her face? I'll never know. It's too dark to make out facial expressions. I find myself hoping she doesn't think me a pedophile. I want to explain to her that I harbor no evil thoughts. A man like me cannot and does not bring about havoc in other people's life. Only in his own.
I shake my head. Who cares what she thinks. Nothing I can do about it!
I head back inside my study and shut the glass paneled door behind me. For good measure, I draw the curtains. I shut myself from the gaze of kids and their mothers. I can't stand to be judged by them.
It's late evening now. I click open the bookmyshow app on my phone to check what new movies are playing today. Hobbit seems promising. The first part was good, I think. But too formulaic after the amazing LOTR movies. Peter Jackson should find something more challenging to do. A director of his talent is wasted in the profit seeking production house economics.
Speaking of wasted talent... "Shut up!", I tell the voice in my head.
Should I go for the movie? I think pushing aside the pre-poned mid life crisis. Or is it an identity crisis? May be it's existential?
The movie. Yes. Should I go alone? It hasn't been bad experience by any means when I have tried that before. Many times before. Anyway I don't like talking to people during the movie. It's really random how people collectively experience movies. I will never understand the benefits of physical proximity in a what is otherwise a very individual experience by design.
It's too much of an effort to call up or email people to coordinate a movie viewing. But it is also very bullshitting to be judged by groups of friends, lovers in arms and families at the theater.
Indecisiveness. More than once I have been told by the few who care that I over-think and over analyze everything. Over-thinking leads to indecisiveness. Over analysis leads to paralysis.
People say the strangest things. Maybe it's they who need to think more before they go about the business of preaching.
Movieee? I hear the thought return with a renewed vehemence. Woah, I say out loud. Calm down brother. I am here. I have to allow myself a little bit of meandering with my thoughts. What's to kill time if not that?
I log back into my laptop. Action, in any direction, helps calm down the thoughts. It's quite disturbing how the mind gets so easily fooled. All it needs is a preoccupation. Let it idle for some time and it starts going nuts. Or bonkers. I like that word better.
The gmail window is open on the browser. I start a hangout and add my friends on it. My fingers sway like a drunkard over the keyboard. To type or not to type?
Mischief managed.
2 comments:
dilemma of a modern man! a young working guy away from home!!
What comes next.. movie or no movie? :)
I feel its better to have a good company than watching alone. Even if you are not talking you can feel the presence of friend next to you.
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